My love life goes something along this line...
We met...I am hooked...secretly admire him from afar...no sign he is interested...heartbroken...vow to stay away from the male species forever...life goes on...spotlight shine on another...
And the cycle continues.
Throughout my nineteen of life, I have never been truly committed (except for an embarrassing one...I shall not dwell on that). Somehow friends find that amazing, and dad call me useless. They said I don’t look like the type who will remain solo for long. Then they accused me for having too high taste. Weelll... in certain sense, they may be right. I’m not the sort who jumps into relationships, no matter how fascinating that guy may be. I choose to hold back, wait for him to prove himself. However, sometimes (in my case, all the time), this approach has reverse effect. When he finally return the affection, the passion I had for him, left unsaid...too long, fades away, never to come back again.
At times like this, questions begin with ‘what if...’ starts plaguing me. Some things are better left unsaid, but sometimes you tend to regret the moments you held back, wondering if you should have let them out instead.
Then why didn’t I open up my heart, before it is too late?
Because...it was never my way to make the first move, any move for that matter.
Because...most of the time, my mind is rule by fear...and uncertainty. Fear that this just a temporary infatuation... Uncertain whether this feeling is real, is this really love.
But most of all, deep down in my heart, I am afraid... Afraid of rejection, afraid of losing the innocence of friendship we have. So I don’t give my heart away easily, nor let my feelings be shown plainly. I keep my feelings to myself, jealously guard it with strong walls of barrier, only once in a blue moon admitting some closest friends to share my emotions.
Yup, so here I am, still single and available [not desperate, mind you].
Maybe one day...one day, I’ll find the courage to speak out my heart.
Maybe...
Throughout my nineteen of life, I have never been truly committed (except for an embarrassing one...I shall not dwell on that). Somehow friends find that amazing, and dad call me useless. They said I don’t look like the type who will remain solo for long. Then they accused me for having too high taste. Weelll... in certain sense, they may be right. I’m not the sort who jumps into relationships, no matter how fascinating that guy may be. I choose to hold back, wait for him to prove himself. However, sometimes (in my case, all the time), this approach has reverse effect. When he finally return the affection, the passion I had for him, left unsaid...too long, fades away, never to come back again.
At times like this, questions begin with ‘what if...’ starts plaguing me. Some things are better left unsaid, but sometimes you tend to regret the moments you held back, wondering if you should have let them out instead.
Then why didn’t I open up my heart, before it is too late?
Because...it was never my way to make the first move, any move for that matter.
Because...most of the time, my mind is rule by fear...and uncertainty. Fear that this just a temporary infatuation... Uncertain whether this feeling is real, is this really love.
But most of all, deep down in my heart, I am afraid... Afraid of rejection, afraid of losing the innocence of friendship we have. So I don’t give my heart away easily, nor let my feelings be shown plainly. I keep my feelings to myself, jealously guard it with strong walls of barrier, only once in a blue moon admitting some closest friends to share my emotions.
Yup, so here I am, still single and available [not desperate, mind you].
Maybe one day...one day, I’ll find the courage to speak out my heart.
Maybe...
there is no life, where withouth there is no love.
3 thoughts and reflections:
haha.. joye... u r so not alone in this... xp
not to worry la my dears.. ur day will arrive anytime.. its just a matter of time... just dont get disappointd and fed up... *wink*
Peaces, sistas~~
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